I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
