is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
