when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
