I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
