Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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