my sisters under your porch take her home
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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