You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
