Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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