belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
