she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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