i need an iv and a liver transplant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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