i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
