I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
