Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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