Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
