I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
