Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
