I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
