nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
