IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
