Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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