you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize