Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
