i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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