She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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