he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
