I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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