your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
