So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
