the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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