Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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