She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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