have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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