He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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