I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
