if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
