He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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