so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need water and some morals
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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