I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
