The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
