Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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