I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize