You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
