she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We left an ass print on the piano.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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