i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
