pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just had sex bonerless
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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