I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
two words: eviction party
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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