I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My feet surprised me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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