My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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