i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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