help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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