i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
