He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
