mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
