Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
