we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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