i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize