I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
