thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
