As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
