Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
