no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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