Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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