i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
