you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize