Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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