We're facebook friends in real life
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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