is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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