We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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