Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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