Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
