Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
