good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
