I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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