Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
