And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize