Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
