dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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