If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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