I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
