Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
