Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
