i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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