so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
