After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
