I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
