So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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