'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize