There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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