Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
