So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
