My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
