forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
