But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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