i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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