I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and she was petting her beer can
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
