the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
