The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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