is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My penis needs a shock collar
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
