why didn't you poke me back
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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