dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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