Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
